I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
