Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what day is it and did you see me today?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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