The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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