I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize