Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
