If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
