My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
