I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
