she woke up with a sticky ear
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
