By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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