i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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