hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
