Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
