the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
