dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
