I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize