Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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