She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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