I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
