my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
