My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
