No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
