i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
