i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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