i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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