Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
