my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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