I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
