Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
should my penis look like a turkey
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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