i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
