Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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