i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
