Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize