Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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