he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
