Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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