Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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