Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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