It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
