I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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