break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
