i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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