I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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