Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
