you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
