What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
