oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
