She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
