I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
