He disabled his match.com account in front of me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
