Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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