i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
