Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Couch. On fire.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
