hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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