Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have tasted many bathrooms
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
