before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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