Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
