The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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