Kareoke will never be a sober sport
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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