Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
