I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize