Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Randomize
